Where
Things Work RightWhere
Things Work Right
** The following ideas were deemed controversial
when submitted on various websites. If you are easily offended please
hit
the back button to return
to the previous screen. For those who continue reading beyond this
point please keep in mind
that no offense is intended.
(Ideas #9 and #10 added on 5/25/08.)
1. The Prison Cable Channel -
Combining two popular television shows, OZ (a realistic fictional show
about life in prison) and Big Brother (an
unrealistic non-fictional show about life in reality), gives us the foundation
for a new cable channel. The Prison Cable
Channel work just like one of the regular on-demand channels. Subscribers
would have a selection of prisons to
choose from and could switch back and forth between the cameras in it whenever
they wanted (the cameras cover
everything). The subscription fees would go towards improving conditions
in the prisons and lowering the cost of
running them.
Prisoners might complain about the loss of privacy under this kind of setup
but we could argue that they lost any
expectation of privacy when they were sent to prison. (Anyone who's ever
been in a prison knows there's no such
thing as privacy there anyway. The guards are always watching them,
in person or via cameras.)
Live monitoring might turn out to be a good thing in another way too. Knowing
there was always the chance that they
were being watched, it might decrease sadism by the guards and violence
by prisoners (at least those who stand to
gain time off for good behavior). Of course there could also be a negative
effect - lifers might increase the number of
violent acts they committed in order to become movie stars. Even this could
be turned into a plus though - it might
boost the deterrent factor among young watchers.
One other enhancement would be added to this channel - a phone number for
each prison. That way if you saw a
prisoner being raped you could call in to report it (if you were so inclined).
It would be sort of a National
Neighborhood Watch.
If this idea brings in a significant amount of money to help support our
prison systems then here's an extension of it
that might bring in some money to help support wildlife conservation groups.
It would be another cable channel
called the Wonderful World of Carnivores. Mini-cams would be put
on lions, alligators, eagles, etc... so we could
tune in to see Nature at work, watching the kill from the carnivore's point
of view.
Note: One other enhancement would be added to the prison channel
- a phone number for each prison would be
displayed at the bottom of the screen. That way if you saw a prisoner
being raped you could call in to report it and
stop it (if your ethics required it). It would be sort of a National
Neighborhood Watch.
2. God On Trial -
The Mini Series.
Although each segment in the series might sound ridiculous, this would
be a serious show aimed at a niche audience.
A team of religious people would represent God and a team of sceptics would
represent the prosecution. Among the
individual trials would be the following -
1. Intelligent design vs a normal miscarriage - is God's design pro-abortion?
2. The prohibition against homosexuality vs hermaphrodism - must hermaphrodites
abstain from sex (and should
they cover themselves like females in Islamic countries or dress like men)?
3. The purpose of sex being procreation vs sterility - must sterile adults
abstain from sex too since there's no
possibility of procreation?
4. Going off on a tangent, what did God do on the 8th and 9th day (I mean
aside from killing most of what He'd just
created with a flood)?
5. In the same context of episode 4, why did an all-powerful being need
to rest on the 7th day? Why didn't he just
go ahead and do what was next on His agenda?
I'm sure other episodes could be dreamed up. It's important to keep
in mind that although the issues might be
presented in a lighthearted way, the defense and prosecution would have
to approach them seriously.
3. Handicapped bras -
This would be for small-breasted women who are tired of being ignored in
bars. The bra would look normal until
the woman pressed her arm against one of the sides. That action would pop
up a large pair of nipples to attract the
attention of whichever sex she was inclined towards and take the attention
away from her more well-endowed
competitors. If she was feeling particularly attracted to her target
she could press her arm against the strap on the
other side causing the nipples to wiggle. Underwire bras already
have the foundation needed to make this work.
(For weirder settings, the bras could pop up two or more nipples on each
cup.) If these bras get produced they
should only come in small cup versions so the women with larger breasts
couldn't take back their advantage.
4. Religious licenses -
Regarding the woman in Florida who insisted she should be allowed to wear
a veil for religious reasons when her
picture was taken for a driver's license.
Response: Let her. Then every time a crime is committed by someone wearing
a mask bring her in as a suspect.
Judging by eyes only, she might have done it.
5. Hooker Stamps -
The idea here is to provide 'Hooker Stamps' to the physically or mentally
handicapped as a social service the same
way we provide 'food stamps' to those in need now. This would obviously
only be acceptable in locations like
Nevada, Amsterdam,etc... that already allow prostitution. To qualify
in the mentally-handicapped category you'd
have to have an IQ in the 50-85 range. The qualifications for physically-handicapped
are an open issue.
These wouldn't be redeemable at a bordello. A simple phone call,
someone shows up at the door, service is
rendered, payment is made (using the stamps). Have to make it as
simple and unembarassing as possible for the
mentally-handicapped, and require only a reasonable amount of effort from
the physically-handicapped.
I forgot to include women. Social services would have to provide 'Stud Stamps' for them.
Hmm...this could get tricky...there's going to be some gay rights issues...
A side benefit, put rather crudely, is that this could also extend the
shelf life of hookers and keep them off of the
welfare rolls longer.
6. 570 year religious cycles (more or less) -
1750 BC. . . . . Hinduism
*******************************************************
1200 BC. . . . . Rise of Olmec Civilization
1113 BC. . . . . Angkor Wat (Built by Suryavarnam II whose birth was 1113.)
1100 BC. . . . . Zorastrianism (Roughly the time of Zarathustra's birth
. . . "the date given by a Greek author named
Diogenes Laertius, who states that 'Zoroaster lived six hundred years before
Xerxes' invasion of
Greece', that is 1080 BCE") (Interestingly, the Zorastrians put his
birth right around the time of
the next cycle, 500 BC)
******************************************************
560 BC . . . . . Buddhism (Buddha's birth)
551 BC . . . . . Confucianism (Confucius birth)
534 BC . . . . . Thespis ("The "inventor of tragedy" was born in Attica,
and was the first prize winner at the Great
Dionysia in 534 BC. He was an important innovator for the theatre, since
he introduced such things
as the independent actor, as opposed to the choir, as well as masks, make
up and costumes."
530 BC . . . . . Pythagoras ("Originally from Samos, Pythagoras founded
at Kroton (in southern Italy) a society
which was at once a religious community and a scientific school.
500 BC . . . . . Rise of Hopewell Civilization (Ohio and Mississippi River
valleys - lasted 1000 years)
*******************************************************
0 BC . . . . . . . Christianity (Christ's birth)
*******************************************************
570 AD . . . . . Islam (Mohammed's birth)
*******************************************************
1100 AD. . . . . Rise of Incan Civilization in Peru
1140 AD. . . . . Reason added as a way to know the existence of God. St.
Anselm (ca. 1033-1109): St. Anslem's
Argument.
"Abelard, Peter (1079-1142): One of the first Western philosopher-theologians
to emphasize the
works of Aristotle. Dialectic Method: The technique used by Abelard in
seeking truth. Questions
are raised, and several possible answers to those questions are explored.
The technique is similar
to Popper's approach to science, where possible solutions to a problem
are proposed and then
critically examined.
Lombard, Peter (ca. 1095-1260): Argues that God can be known through the
Scriptures, through
reason, or by studying nature. Insisted that God could be known through
faith, reason, or the study
of his work in nature.
Averroës (1126-1198): An Arabic scholar who attempted to make Aristotelian
philosophy
compatible with the Muslim religion."
1150 AD. . . . . Rise of Aztec Civilization in Mexico
1162 AD. . . . . Mongol Empire (Genghis Khan's birth)
1225 AD. . . . . St. Thomas Aquinas ("Aquinas, who is most renowned for
his Five Ways of Proving the Existence
of God, believed that both faith and reason discover truth, a conflict
between them being impossible
since they both originate in God.")
*******************************************************
1724 AD. . . . . Immanuel Kant (The Critique of Pure Reason - "A large
part of Kant's work addresses the
question "What can we know?" The answer, if it can be stated simply, is
that our knowledge is
constrained to mathematics and the science of the natural, empirical world.
It is impossible, Kant
argues, to extend knowledge to the supersensible realm of speculative metaphysics.
The reason
that knowledge has these constraints, Kant argues, is that the mind plays
an active role in
constituting the features of experience and limiting the mind's access
to the empirical realm of
space and time."
1732 AD. . . . . Deism (George Washington's birth). English Deists
were Anthony Collins (1676-1729), Matthew
Tindal (1657-1733). J.J. Rousseau (1712-1778) and F.M.A. de Voltaire (1694-1778)
were its
leaders in France. Many of the leaders of the French and American
revolutions followed this
belief system, including John Quincy Adams, Ethan Allen, Benjamin Franklin,
Thomas Jefferson,
James Madison Thomas Paine, and George Washington. Deists played a major
role in creating the
principle of separation of church and state, and the religious freedom
clauses of the 1st Amendment
of the Constitution.
1770 AD. . . . . Hegel: More on Hegel
** It's probably too soon to tell which will be the hallmark of our current
era, deism, where God is off in the distance
just watching things, or communism, where there isn't a God to do any watching.
*******************************************************
2302 AD. . . . .
Note #1: It's interesting that the Phoenix myth also says the Phoenix dies
and is reborn once every 500 years (at the
changing of epochs).
Note #2: The number of items above might have obscured the main point so
here it is in its condensed form - the
general concept of man's relationship with god is changing on a periodic
basis. It's gone from a) man to
many gods, b) man to one god, c) man to no god. The question is,
what will the next paradigm be - no
man to no god? Oddly enough this is what some physicists are beginning
to suspect with their theory that
this universe is a simulation.
Note #3: A recent theory making the rounds suggests that a super-intelligent
race created the universe and it's all
just a simulation. If true, then maybe the length of a day for this
race is equivalent to 600 years from our
perspective. In that case the paradigm shifts would be just tweaks
in the model.
7. Invent-a-God -
A recent book called Biocosm put forth the idea that the universe is so
ideally suited to life that it couldn't have come
about by accident. While this may be just another case variation of the
anthropic principle this time the man behind it
supported his theory by identifying 6 physical constants that would have
barred carbon-based life from coming into
existence if even one of them was changed by just a tiny bit. After
the book was published several more constants
were added by reputable scientists, but the theorist's conclusion remained
unchanged - this being that the universe
was designed and created by super-intelligent beings.
Whether he's right or not his theory could still be combined with the idea
behind Fantasy Football to create an
interesting web site. On this site you'd add your own best guess
at what really created the universe and explain why
it keeps running the way it does. Others could then drop in and vote
for the guess they liked the best. It would be
sort of a Fantasy Prophet Center.
8. Etiquette for the Afterlife -
How to fit in when you're dead.
The idea here is to write a self-help book for people who know they're
going to die in the near future, or who've
made enough enemies that the possibilities are rapidly increasing. The
book would contain the kind of helpful advice
you'd need to succeed wherever you wound up. For instance, if you
find yourself in heaven -
1. It's a good idea to emulate Christ. Like him, you should quickly obtain
a symbol of the cause of your death and
wear it on a necklace (a little cancerous lung, wrecked car, bottle of
gin, etc...).
2. Never ask to read the Book of Life. Since it contains everything that
happened during your life it's bound to be
obscene.
And so on.....
9. Regift Israel -
It's a white elephant anyway.
The reason people gave white elephants as a gift in the Eastern world was
to bankrupt their enemies in a friendly way.
It usually took more than the receiver could afford to maintain the elephant.
In a sense, that's what's happening in Israel.
If God truly did give the country to the Jewish people then, judging by
how much it's cost them, it was a crappy gift. Maybe
the Jewish people should just regift it to the Palestinians. How
could God be upset at them if His gift was given to someone
else in the name of love or compassion for them?
10. 911: The Game
An answer to the question of what's next after the JFK game.
As long as we're not letting decency be our guide there's no reason not
to create this game for those who just love the new
JFK first-person shooter game.
In 911: The Game, the object would be to pick one or more planes and successfully
crash them into high value targets. The
bigger the plane, the more points you'd get. You'd lose 'x' number
of points if one of your planes was shot down on the way
to its target, and double 'x' number of points if the people inside the
plane overpowered you and kept you from reaching it.
The player would be able to switch back and forth between 1st and 3rd person
perspective (seeing the action from inside a
selected plane as one of the shooters or from outside). Difficulty
levels would be determined by how hard you told the computer
to fight back. (Optionally, you could play the part of someone inside a
hijacked plane and try to prevent it from being hijacked.
You'd lose points if you just walked in and started shooting people based
on profiling.)
If this game sells well then there's no end to how creative we can get.
It wouldn't be hard to go to the next level and create a
sim-city with a beheading-based economy.
 |